Lately, I’ve been troubled in my thoughts regarding my youngest daughter and her speech development. I’ve basically fretted to the point where I’m convinced she needs therapy and will struggle for life. My husband thinks I’m crazy. For two days now though, my thoughts have been consumed with this. I’ve been short with my other two children as I read article after article on this topic on the internet, and as I keep pushing Madalyn to practice her words.
Peace has not reigned in my home nor in my heart.
The instance above is not unusual as of late. Something or other has been disrupting any peace that I think I might have in a given moment. It may be due to some unnecessary pressure I’m putting on myself, like those photo albums, or perhaps, warranted guilt over my sin.
It may be because my ‘To Do’ list is longer than ever and my time available to accomplish things gets shorter with every passing second. It might be that I’m striving after things that the Lord hasn’t seen fit to give me, or I’ve been stressing about a lack of personal abilities and gifts.
Sometimes I worry about whether I’m doing enough for my children, whether or not I’m being a “good” enough mom. Am I enjoying them enough? Am I feeding them the right foods? Should I make more from scratch? Should we go organic? Should I read to them more? Are they smart enough? Am I shepherding them appropriately?
Other times my mind is barraged with questions regarding my role as wife or with my other household responsibilities. Am I serving my husband enough? Am I being financially conscious enough with my spending? Should I spend more time on the budget and see where we can save more money? What about being eco-friendly? Oh no. I should try making homemade yogurt again so we can cut down on the containers that we waste. I need to help save the earth.
My mind and thoughts have been pulled in a million directions lately, swirling around with questions and potential but inadequate solutions.
Do I sound a mess? Are you getting a feel for the chaos and frantic state of my insane mind? I just read over what I wrote in this post so far. I think my husband is right. I’m most likely crazy. Maybe I just need to get uncrazy.
Well whether or not I am, I’m definitely headed in that direction, because that’s what happens to us folk who constantly fill our minds with this stuff.
Thankfully, my husband was praying the other night during our small group and he quoted Isaiah 26:3, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
The Lord caused these words to grip my heart and captivate my mind. Peace, for those whose minds are stayed on Him. Peace. Not chaos. Not fretfulness. Not worry.
In some sense, many of my questions and concerns may seem like legitimate things to be concerned with, especially if I didn’t just list them all at once. After all, I need to be wise in my actions and walk in a manner worthy of my calling. However, my lack of peace clearly indicates a deeper heart issue. A mind that is not stayed on my Lord. A mind that is preoccupied with figuring out how to live without looking at Jesus. A heart that ultimately does not trust the author and finisher of my faith.
There are so many things that we can concern ourselves with in this world, so many good causes, so many needs, so many activities or hobbies, so many things we can fear, and we can work ourselves into a tizzy thinking about it all.
In his abundant kindness, my gracious heavenly Father reminded to fix my eyes on Him, to fix my eyes on Jesus. And when I’m doing this, the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind, and all those things that I’ve been so absorbed with “will grow strangely dim”.