In the year 2002 I travelled to Costa Rica with one of my good friends Sherien. We loved to travel together on several occassions, mainly because our travelling styles were so similar. We would enjoy hours and hours of talking and talking and talking…but also gave each other lots of alone time to do our own thing.

On one particular afternoon I was enjoying some of this alone time. I had walked down to the beach, which was quite a hike from the hotel, and found a pier of rocks that travelled pretty far into the water.  I stood at the end of the pier and relished in being far away from everyone and everything. I stood, soaking in the sun, loving the fact that I was all alone. At least that’s what I thought.

When I turned around to return to shore I discovered I had an audience..two ferocious looking dogs who stood side by side…staring at me. I froze. My heart was gripped with fear. There really wasn’t anywhere for me to go ….though looking back I wonder why I didn’t just jump into the ocean. And so I decided the best thing to do was begin a slow and steady walk back to shore, right passed them, praying that they would have no interest in coming after me. I cannot tell you how I felt inside.

I’ll spoil the ending and tell you that nothing happened. I lived to tell about it.

Have you ever been in a similar situation where fear took over your entire body? Leaving you paralyzed, shocked, almost incapable of thinking, fear has a way of completely consuming us.

Lately I’ve found myself really having to battle fears…most of them irrational or completely unnecessary. Like the other night, after putting Amanda to bed I went downstairs to wait for shady to come home. And I was so afraid. What was I afraid of? Not entirely sure, but that didn’t make the fear less real or easy to endure.  Without any warning at all, fear crept in on me as it often does.

In fact I often fall prey to my fears, many of them springing from two of my least favorite words:  “what if?”

• What if Shady doesn’t make it home safely?
• What if something happens to Amanda when I’m not looking? 
• What if a horrible war breaks out in our country?
• What if I get sick?
• What if shady discovers how annoying I actually am??!!!

My problem with these what if questions is that I often go from “what if” to “It now is”. Within a matter of seconds my fear becomes a reality in my head, and I’m left struggling with a fear that completely blinds me from the God who is my all wise and Sovereign Lord.

The Bible has a lot to say about fear.  And much like everything else it has to say, it’s message is completely contrary to what the world has to say.

The world tells us that we need to look within ourselves for strength. No one can help me but me. But the Bible says “The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

The world tells us that as long as nothing bad is actually happening that there is no reason to be afraid. But the Bible says that even though something bad or difficult is happening, there is still no room for fear. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

The world says that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. The Bible says that there is something to fear: the wrath of God for our sin. But that the believer’s punishment for sin has been paid for in the cross, and that through the resurrection of Christ the fear of the grave has been defeated. “Death has been swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory! O death, where is your sting!” 1 Corinthians 15:55

I know these verses. When I read them I think “Good verse, I already knew it, but it’s a good reminder.” But it’s not important to just know the verse, it’s important to believe the verse to the point of living it out. It’s important to build my life on these truths and stand firm on them when fear enters in. And when my mind begins to travel into the arena of “what if” questions, I need to spend my time dwelling on these truths, rather than dwelling on all the things that cause my heart to fear.

I don’t think I’m alone in this battle with fear. In fact I’m pretty confident that all of us endure the same thing. The cause for fear may be different, but we definitely share the reality of it in our lives. So as believers, let’s encourage each other with the truth of these words. Sow them into each other’s lives. When we share the things that are troubling our hearts, rather than say “Wow, that sounds difficult, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” let’s point each other to the only anchor and rock for our souls…the Word of God.

Yesterday I relived my teenage years by spending the day at Canada’s Wonderland. Besides the fact that my body  was flung into the air at unimaginable speeds (something I enjoyed much more when I was a teenager), it really was such a great day.

At one point in the day I was sitting down to enjoy a meal (an extremely costly meal I might add), and I found myself seated in front of a family of four. Mom, dad, a boy and a girl. The boy looked as though he were about 8 years old…and he was not having a good day.

As his family enjoyed their meal, he just sat there and sobbed.

I became extremely nosey and found myself staring at them. I really wanted to know, why was he crying? What had happened to make him so upset? Here’s what comes to my mind in pondering the mysterious case of this sobbing child.

• We really are selfish beings….I really can’t be sure why it is that this little boy was crying. But judging from the reaction of his parents, it was probably because he wanted something that he just couldn’t have at that moment.  And so, despite the fact that his parents were trying everything they could to give their children a wonderful day, he chose to fixate on what he couldn’t have, and whine and complain….His poor sister sat there trying to enjoy her icecream. Icrecream can’t be enjoyed when the person next to you is whining!

Don’t know about you, but I could see a lot of myself in him. If I think about it, much of my whining and complaining is because I’m stuck on something that I want or think I need, and I can’t handle the fact that I don’t have it. I want a day off, can’t have it now. I want to go to sleep early, can’t have it now. I want to go shopping and spend whatever amount I want, can’t have it period. And so, when my selfishness gets the better of me, I “whine and complain”, regardless of how my mood is affecting those around me. How about you, can you relate? Ever let your unmet wants or expectations result in selfish, me-centered behaviour, regardless of the effect it’s having on those around you?  True, we don’t physically sit and let our tears of complaint fall in public, but on the inside, we mark a striking resemblance to this sobbing child. How different relationships would be if we focused on the wants and expectations of those around us, rather than simply our own. “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. ⁴ Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

• Parenting never stops…If I were the parent in that same situation, I would have likely told myself something like this: “I’m trying to have a good day….I just need one day, even one moment off of disciplining and training you. So cry it out and work this one out yourself.” But the truth is, parenting really is a full time job. There are no days off. Of course there is a time and place for addressing behaviour, and when possible, we do need to give ourselves moments of rest. But, our children’s behaviour is in large part our responsibility and must be addressed.  God’s word says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6 As with all things, this is something that can only be done with God’s grace and wisdom and strength.  On our own, our patience runs out after moments (sometimes seconds). Thank God for His help in this area of disciplining and training our children.
• There is no perfection on earth….I’ll tell you one thing: a day at Wonderland is expensive! For a family of four to enter the park they are paying well over a hundred dollars.  If they don’t want to lug around a suitcase full of food, they are dishing out  at least another hundred dollars in food. Then there’s the time they are investing. And the energy of standing in line and pretending to enjoy rides that go against human nature. As parents we will go to extreme measures to give our children memorable days and meaningful experiences. Of course we don’t need to break the bank in order to do that! But as a parent I anticipating learning that regardless of the effort and the “perfect” environment I try to create, my children will still cry, be disappointed, and may even end the day with a tantrum. No day is perfect, and no experience completely satisfying and without flaw. Perfection does not exist this side of heaven, and we need to train our children (and ourselves) to find full satisfaction in God alone. That’s a challenging one “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere;” Psalm 84:10

I know…I’ve completely analyzed a seemingly simple situation. Maybe he just needed a good cry (I can also relate to that)! But there really are valuable, biblical lessons everywhere we look, even at a picnic table in the middle of Canada’s Wonderland…

The countdown to the Olympics is over. Today the entire world sets their sights on London to watch athletes compete for the gold. I have to be honest.  All this talk about the Olympics has really got me reminiscing of my sporty days. Bet you didn’t know I once had a promising athletic career!

I think it began with track and field. Way back in elementary school I tried out for running long jump and found out I was actually really good. In fact I came first in my school (You can shake my hand when you see me). So off I went to York University to compete in the Regionals. It should have been a proud day for me. Until they found out that our star athlete was being disqualified from the 400m relay race for competing in too many events. What’s worse…she was running anchor, which is the position reserved for the strongest runner.  Rather than bow out of the competition our coach decided to put, in my opinion, the least experienced runner in her spot. That would be me. All I had to do was receive the baton and sprint across the finish line. I ran as hard and as fast as I knew how…and led my team to a dismal defeat.

We came in last…and that was the end of my track and field career.

Then there were my basketball days.  I actually don’t like basketball at all. It completely goes against my sporting philosophy: never over exert yourself to catch a ball. It’s just not worth it. Somehow I still made it on the team…probably because we’re talking about grade 7, and I don’t think anyone gets cut at the grade 7 level.  I actually have zero recollection of my life as a basketball player…except for one not so proud moment.

We were at the regional tournament. The opposing team was up at the free throw line. I was in position ready to take the rebound. Then, right before she  threw the ball I decided I wasn’t standing in the right spot. No one told me you weren’t supposed to move until after the ball was thrown. So the ref blew the whistle on me. He called a foul…or a penalty…or yellow card….whatever it’s called it was so not my fault.

Basketball career ends there.

But there was always volleyball. Now that was a sport I knew I was good at. I was proud to be on the team and really felt like this was a sport that would take me places. Then I hit grade nine. I tried out for the team and was cut after just one tryout. Now I don’t mean to sound like I’m whining, but is that honestly enough time to judge someone’s abilities? One tryout? . That coach really made a wrong call. And so, at the ripe age of 14, I threw in my towel and decided that my life, as a competitive athlete, was coming to an end. I’ve played on lots of recreational teams since…but, it’s just not the same.

Despite the scars of a career gone wrong, I’m still really looking forward to watching the Olympics. I love watching the energy and utter devotion the athletes display…You can almost see their gaze focused on the one prize, and nothing, not even millions of spectators cheering them on,  not the pressure, not even physical injuries distracts them from their goal. In fact it has been said that an Olympic athletes spend their entire lives training, preparing and focused on those precious ten seconds.

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

^2”Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. ²⁵ And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. ²⁶ Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. ²⁷ But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection…” 1 Corinthians 9:24-27a

Over the next few weeks, as we sit before our television screens and cheer the athletes on, let’s meditate on the truth of how our Christian walk is much like the journey of an athlete. We too train. We work hard, face difficulties and setbacks, and endure. When you see the look of determination in the athletes’ faces, ask yourself, do I share the same determination in my Christian walk? Do we display the same courage? Resilience? Do we forsake all distractions for the sake of our heavenly prize? Do we work and sweat for the purpose of the Kingdom?  I feel I have a lot to learn from these Olympic athletes. ….

But the believer’s story is quite different. We do not spend what seems like an eternity preparing for a moment that’s over in the blink of an eye. Our treasure does not rest on a mantlepiece.  On the contrary, Christians spend what appears to be the blink of an eye, preparing for the joy, the prize,  of an eternity with the Lord.

^“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, ¹⁸ while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal” . 2  Corinthians 4:16-18

Have you ever thought about what you think about?

No, it’s not a trick question! I’m serious…if you look back on your day, what have you spent your time thinking about?  What are the thoughts that have run through the hallway of your mind?

Mine are often consumed with a running commentary on what’s happening during the day:

• Next I’ll do the laundry. Oh the laundry…why is that hamper always full? No matter how many loads of laundry I do, the hamper is always full! I don’t get it.
• Next I’ll feed Amanda. I wonder how she’ll torture me this time? I really hope she doesn’t torture me.
• It’s 6:00pm already? How did that happen?
• I’m soooo hungry….actually I’m starving.  I wonder how many little chocolates make up a chocolate bar. One chocolate bar a day sounds reasonable.
• It’s 11:00 already? When am I going to get to sleep? I really need some sleep!

It’s inevitable…our minds will entertain thoughts about the mundane, every day events of our lives. But if we step back and look over the course of our day, what pattern of thinking would we find? Have we spent our day complaining about our responsibilities? Festering over annoying qualities of people we’ve encountered? Grumbling about our circumstances and how we wish they had gone differently?

Here is another question. Have you ever noticed how much your thoughts impact the way you feel? How do your thoughts impact the way you speak, the way you act…in essence, the way that you live?

“…casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10:5

I love this verse because it reminds me that we are not victims to our thoughts. As a Christian I cannot use the excuse “I can’t help it, that’s just what came into my mind.” On the contrary as believers we have been equipped to take captive our thoughts and bring them under the authority of Christ.  Fears, doubts, complaining, jealousy…all the thoughts that are troublesome and contrary to what God wants for us….we don’t just have to sit there and have those thoughts. We can bring them under Christ’s authority and ask that He would help us have thoughts that are obedient to His word.

When I was young I used to be petrified of horror movies (actually, who am I kidding, I’m still petrified of horror movies). If something scary was on TV, I would hide my eyes with my hands, but keep my fingers slightly open, just wide enough so that I can peer through them to see when it was safe to look.  I desperately wanted to stop watching. And then one day it dawned on me.

I have the remote control.

If I don’t want to watch something, I can just change the channel. Why sit there and allow myself to be troubled? Why watch something that was frightening me so much?

Believers have the remote control to their thoughts. We can take captive our thoughts and bring them under subjection to Christ so that fear is replaced with confidence in God. Doubt can be replaced with trust. Complaining can be replaced with contentment.  Jealousy can be replaced with gratitude. That’s the power of Christ’s Spirit within us. We can take captive our thoughts and thereby determine our feelings, our actions, our conduct.

I’m reading a book by J.I. Packer called “Knowing God.” I’m still only on the second chapter, but already I’ve been struck by such an important truth. Packer reminds us that one of the evidences of knowing God is our thoughts….more specifically our thoughts about God. In his book he writes:

“Those who know God have great thoughts of God. He knows, and foreknows, all things, and his foreknowledge is foreordination; He therefore will have the last word, both in world history and in the destiny of every man; His kingdom and righteousness will triumph in the end, for neither men nor angels shall be able to thwart Him….Is this how we think of God? Is this the view of God which our own praying expresses? Does this tremendous sense of His holy majesty, His moral perfection and His gracious faithfulness keep us humble and dependent, awed and obedient..? By this test, too, we may measure how much, or how little, we know God.” (p. 29, 30)

Wow. Our thoughts are not only important because of how they affect our lives, our attitudes and even our behaviour. Ultimately our thoughts are important because they demonstrate how much, or how little we know of God.  And it was for this reason, knowing God, that we were created:

“Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
²⁴ But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,” Jeremiah 9:23-24

Those who know God will have high thoughts of Him. And high thoughts of God will lead to right thinking about others, responsibilities and circumstances. And right thinking about those things will lead to right conduct that brings Him glory and pleasure.

And how else could we know God were it not for the Gospel?

And so I ask the question again, “Have you ever thought about what you think about?”

²⁰ But you have not so learned Christ, ²¹ if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: ²² that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, ²³ and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, ²⁴ and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:20-24

You know when you come back from vacation, you try desperately not to lose that “feeling” you had while you were away? The smells, the excitement of being in a new place, the unique taste of the food, the anticipation at the beginning of each day for all you will experience, the joy of the memories that are being knit together.

Well, I’ve been back from the Resolved conference for almost two weeks now, and I think my vacation feeling has faded. I’m pretty sure it happened sometime after the third or fourth load of laundry.

But that’s okay…feelings come and go….What’s more important are the lessons I learned while I was away, and I pray they will stay with me for however long they are needed…Here are just a few lessons I learned that I would love to share with you.

GOD SAVES PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE

During the final session of the Resolved conference I couldnt help but glance over at the man sitting next to Shady. Okay I didnt just glance once, I may have looked at him through the corner of my eye several times.  He just didnt look like someone who would be interested in a 4 day Bible conference. He looked like he would more prefer to be riding a Harley Davidson down the highway followed by a row of men that all looked just like him (not that men who ride a Harley Davidson down the highway can’t be interested in the Bible!) He just looked so rough, so intimidating, so…not what I would expect at the conference.

But he held this Bible. It seemed to rest in his hands with tremendous ease, as though his fingers were made for that very book. And the Bible itself, it looked like it had been places. The pages weren’t freshly pressed, they looked like they had been flipped through several times over. This man was clearly familiar with the content of his Bible.

And then it happened. The man on stage asked that all pastors and leaders in the room stand so that they could be appreciated for their labour of love in the church. So I looked around to see who in the room would stand….and he stood up!  I was clearly wrong in my first impression of him.

I loved that I was wrong about him. I loved that God used this situation to remind me that He calls people from all tribes, nations, cities, ghettos and highways full of bikers to Himself. It reminded me that it does not depend on man, but on God.

“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of^f your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel.” Colossians 1:22-23

FIND A CHURCH…THEN COMMIT

“This church starts too early! This church is too small! The sermons are too long! The sermons are too short!” In the words of pastor Austin Duncan….”Goldylocks, stop it!”

Of course it is important to find a good church. One that teaches sound Biblical doctrine, that explifies the fruit of the Spirit and that operates under the authority of the Bible. But once we have found a good church, we need to commit. We need to plant our feet, roll up our sleeves, start serving, and stop hopping around. Too many of us spend years and years hopping from church to church to church. In order to fully live in the truth of the Gospel we must be firmly rooted and established in a local body of believers. It’s wonderful to belong to the universal church, but this must translate into committment to a local church. More on this next week!  For now, Austin Duncan’s full sermon can be heard here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsytV3wZseQ

THE JOY OF RECONCILIATION

One of the highlights of the Resolved conference was definitely the time of singing and worship. Each of the songs that we sung fixed our gaze on the sacrificial love, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. These songs set my heart on heaven and reminded me of the common hope that those in the church share together. I was thankful to be a part of this corporate time of worship.

One particular moment stands out clearly in my mind. It was during an old hymn that you’re probably familiar with called It Is Well With My Soul. One line drove people to raise their hands in the air in humble praise and gratitude to God. No, it wasn’t an emotionally charged line. It wasn’t one of promises of pleasure or rewards in heaven.

“My sin, O the bliss, of this glorious thought….My sin, not in part but the whole…is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more. Praise the Lord, O my soul.”

I shivered when I saw people’s hands being raised in response to these words.

We live in a culture that tells us to deny our sin.  Explain it away. Rationalize it. Compare it to someone else’s so it doesnt appear that bad. Calling something “sin”  is too harsh and is bad for our self esteem..it makes us feel poorly about ourselves. Call it an honest mistake and move on.

Unfortunately this way of thinking has even rubbed off on some churches. Many pastors are scared to talk about sin, so as not to offend, not to turn off, not to turn away its members. But this approach is so dangerous, and so unbiblical. If we’re never confronted with our sin, we will never see our need for a Saviour…we will never understand the magnitude of what Christ accomplished on the cross….we will never see our need for repentence…we will never be reconciled to our holy God.

1 John 1:8-9 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

What sweet relief comes when we make this declaration. “It was my sin…my sin that drove the nails into your hands…and my sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more.” That is the sweet relief of forgiveness that comes only from the cross. That is what drove a room full of people to sing out their hearts to God, praising Him for reconciling them to Himself!

“Oh to see my name written in your wounds

For through your suffering, I am free

Death is crushed to death, life is mine to life

Won through your selfless love

This the power of the cross, Son of God slain for us

What a love! What a cost!

We stand forgiven at the cross.” (written by Keith Getty)

One more thing….the blogging team at This Passing Life would like to congratulate our Thursday blogger, Georgie, on the birth of her child yesterday!!! Um, Georgie, why didn’t you post yesterday?

We are back from sunny California!

I realized that I never shared with you the purpose of our vacation. Besides visiting many of Shady’s relatives who we have not seen for years, the reason we travelled to California was to attend the 2012 Resolved conference. If you have never heard of this conference, I strongly encourage you to visit www.resolved.org  to learn more about it. This conference is a ministry of Grace Community Church which is pastored by John MacArthur.  After eight years, this was the final time that the conference would be held, and we were so blessed to be able to attend!

This year the conference focused on the topic of “The Church”.  It was four days of listening to one edifying sermon after another.  Over the next few weeks I hope to share some of my personal highlights from the conference, including what I have learned from the various pastors. For today I would love to briefly share something I heard that resonated with me in a powerful way.

“Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering for He who promised is faithful.” Hebrews 10:23

Our hearts are constantly grasping…reaching for something to embrace in the hopes of finding momentary happiness and satisfaction. This passage admonishes us to set our hearts on the Gospel…to hold fast to it as with a firm grip. One of the blessings of meeting together in a conference such as Resolved  is the encouragement our hearts receive to tighten our grip even more on the truth of the Gospel.

What does it mean, practically speaking, to hold tight to the Gospel?  It means to be unswerving in my commitment to God (something which I can only do through His power) .It means love for the Lord that is nurtured with scripture towards constant growth. It means obedience without compromise.  It means that Jesus Christ sits on the throne of life…my heart and my hands hold fast to Him.

Amanda knows what it means to hold something in her grip. She’s actually quite skilled at holding tight to just about anything that catches her attention. These days it’s my hair…my collar bone…but especially my nose. Don’t be deceived by the fragile appearance of her hands. Once those fingers hold onto something they are determined not to let it go. That is of course until she spots something more interesting.

My behaviour often resembles that of Amanda’s. I resolve to hold tight the words of the Gospel to my heart. But worldly temptations and distractions compete with my allegiance and slowly pry my fingers off of God’s words. Like Amanda I temporary release my grip to make room for that which looks attractive and appealing.

This is why it is so important to be in God’s word on a regular basis…why we need to encourage each other with the truth of Gospel…and why we need to be committed to our local church. As I was reminded this weekend, Christ didn’t die for a conference…He died for the church.  As much as conferences are exciting and edifying, they do not replace the assembling together as a church family on a weekly basis. We are called to be committed to a local church where we can experience all that the Gospel has to offer, within the context of His body.  And as we spend time with those in the body of believers we should be striving to encourage our brothers and sisters to tighten their grip on the truth of the gospel and to release our affection for anything that hinders our commitment to God.

How can I encourage others to hold fast to their commitment to the faith? How can you do the same? This is what I was left to ask myself…and I hope you will do the same.

“But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” Hebrews 3:13

I’m including a list of the pastors that spoke at the conference, along with the link to their respective ministries/church. Each one of these pastors love God with their whole heart, soul and mind, and their passion for Scripture, for teaching it clearly, faithfully and applying it to their lives was so evident to me.

John MacArthur               www.gty.org

Steve Lawson                    http://www.cfbcmobile.org

Albert Mohler                   http://www.albertmohler.com

CJ Mahaney                       http://www.sovereigngraceministries.org

Rick Holland                        http://www.missionroadbiblechurch.com

Austin Duncan                   http://www.gracechurch.org/crossroads/media

Jonathan Rorke                 http://www.gracechurch.org/media/?filter=speaker&id=44

Have you ever looked forward to something for so long, and before you knew it, it was over? A much anticipated wedding day, a family vacation, a get together with friends, or perhaps the visit of a most cherished cousin from San Francisco? (I guess you can see where I’m coming from!)

It’s been two days since my cousin Christine left. Two days since we said our goodbyes, knowing that once again it would likely be over a year since we can see each other again. We looked forward to that week together for months. We planned. Anticipated. Made lists (big surprise).  And now it’s over and I’m left thinking “Now what do I do with myself?”

I write this as I am preparing to leave for a family vacation. In three short hours we will be heading to the airport. Our bags are packed, the plane tickets are in hand, and the getaway we’ve been planning for months will shortly begin. But I’m onto things. I know exactly what will happen. God willing, if all goes well, I will be back on my couch in the blink of an eye, and I know just what I’ll be thinking: “It’s over already? What should I start looking forward to next?”

Can I be honest with you? Sometimes I feel like life is a series of events that I look forward to for months, and then look back on with sadness for being over so soon. I can never understand how the time went so fast, and I’m always looking for the next thing that can occupy my time, fill my heart and give me a sense of purpose and excitement. It’s kind of exhausting. And so not how God intends for me to life.

Why do I say that? I mean, in one sense it’s normal. As long as we are alive we will be looking forward to coming days, planning for events and reflecting on the resulting memories. The problem arises when I find my life’s meaning and satisfaction in these passing events. When the root of my happiness is the birthday parties, the family get togethers, the vacations, the celebrations, I will find myself constantly disappointed, constantly grasping for more, constantly exhausted. Why? Because all of these things are temporary, they fade away, they come to an end.

Of course we can have joy and excitement from the blessings we enjoy on this earth. But my heart naturally defaults into living for these blessings, rather than living for the God who gives the blessings. They were never intended to create the meaning of my life – only to point to the goodness of the God who bestows them.

God calls us to set our hearts on what is PERMANENT. To find our satisfaction on what is ETERNAL and UNFADING. What is permanent, eternal and unfading other than the Almighty God, the Gospel, the unfading Words of Scripture? Listen to the words of this verse:

1 Peter 1:3-5 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, ⁴ and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, ⁵ who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

Sure we will continue look forward to things, enjoy them, and even be sad when they are over, but as believers they cannot define our lives, nor should they drive our lives.  On the contrary, they should merely be the back drop of our lives, and the center stage should be occupied by the relationships that our hearts are enjoying with the Lord.

So….Bon Voyage my friends. May God remind me that the only thing that truly makes this vacation sweet is His presence…and thank God this will be a constant reality when I find myself back at home!

I apologize. It’s 11:30 at night. I’m soooo sleepy. But I want to write about something that’s been on my mind. So while it may be a little short and undeveloped, I hope this short little post sparks some thought on a topic I believe is important and requires thought.

This week I came face to face with one of my most annoying flaws.  As I was preparing my house for my cousins Christine’s arrival, I began obsessing over tidying my house. I know it’s normal to want to be in a tidy house…actually it’s healthy and good. But as with many things, taken to an extreme it can become a flaw. I think I’m getting dangerously close to that point.

Take for example the other afternoon. I was standing outside with Amanda enjoying the beautiful weather. And then I noticed it…the garden…it was full of little leaves and weeds growing out of nowhere. They looked so out of place and were demanding my immediate attention. But I’m enjoying the walk, the weather, my daughter. Not to mention the fact that I don’t have gardening tools, or even gloves for that matter!! Clearly this wasn’t the time or the place. But that didn’t stop me.  I got down on the ground, propped Amanda on my lap and started pulling out the weeds with my bare hands. These are the moments where I wonder if my obsession with tidiness has gone too far.

Today as Amanda was eating her breakfast, I was so distracted by the mess that was being created in the process. Crumbs were EVERYWHERE. Instead of enjoying the fact that she was learning to eat solids and learning to use her fingers to feed herself, all I kept thinking was how messy everything was getting, and how I couldn’t wait for it to be finished so I could clean up. Another wasted opportunity to enjoy time with my daughter. More evidence that my obsession with neatness is developing into a flaw.

But here’s the thing. I’m not like this when it comes to cleanliness. If something is dirty, it doesn’t seem to bother me the same way. Stain on the carpet? Well, as long as the stain is the same colour as the carpet, what’s the problem? As long as the house LOOKS neat and tidy, I’m okay with it. I guess you can say that in some ways, I’m more concerned about the appearance of my home, rather than what’s hiding under the couch.

Is this not how the world operates? Is it not all about appearances rather than reality? People spend thousands and thousands of dollars in an attempt to transform their homes into picture perfect retreats, when all along the home may be filled with broken relationships and families. We spend endless amount of time beautifying ourselves on the outside, and often neglect to address the mess that may actually exist on the inside. We say the right things, impress others with our words and our wit, all the while hiding how we truly feel and what we actually want to say.

For the Lord does not see as man sees;^[a] for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Unlike the world, God is not deceived by appearances, nor is He impressed. He looks right through us and sees our hearts. He gets right to the heart of the matter. This is what concerns Him. This is what He is after. This is what He wants to transform.

My prayer is that I spend more time sitting in front of the mirror of God’s word, rather than the mirror that simply reflects my outward appearance. My prayer is that I spent more time tidying my inward man, rather than just obsessing over the “mess” that is in my home. My prayer is that I will be genuine in my conversations, sharing my heart, my weaknesses and my struggles, rather than focusing on how I can build an impressive self image through humour and impressive stories.

My prayer is that I too would focus on the heart, rather than just the outward appearance. How about you? Is this something you have struggled with? What have you learned about the importance of the heart rather than simply the outward appearance of things? I would love to hear your thoughts.

In just a few short days my cousin Christine is coming to visit from California. I simply cannot wait!!

Christine and I first got to know each other when I was just 22 years old. My parents and I travelled to San Francisco to stay with her family. Our mothers were very close friends when they were growing up and we were all looking forward to this family reunion. I think it was sometime in the middle of our vacation where Christine and I both discovered that we had something very important in common…we both shared a deep love for God and were striving to live a life that honoured Him as Saviour and Lord. We instantly formed a very special bond and it was difficult to imagine leaving her behind and going back to living so far away from each other.

From that point on we committed to writing emails reguarly. Every single week, we sent each other lengthy emails summarizing just about every detail of our lives.  I used to get so excited when I would open up my inbox and find an email from her. The first thing I would do was scroll down to make sure it was a long email (and they always were). We wrote about everything! Back and forth the emails went…and the relationship just kept growing stronger.

It was in these emails that I revealed to her my growing affection for Shady. I told her we had decided to begin a relationship together. It was there that she too told me about her growing relationship with the man who is now her husband. We stood beside each other at our weddings, and exchanged numerous phone calls to share good news and bad. Perhaps most exciting was when I told Christine we were expecting a little Amanda into our lives. I could always count on Christine giving me the most genuine and most heartfelt excited responses.

When I go back over the emails we have exchanged, I am amazed. I feel as though our last 12 years have been captured through our letters. Sometimes I think I should have them published as a memoir of our friendship. Other times I think “Am I crazy, I don’t want people reading these emails!!”

I have some really fun memories that I look back on and smile.  I remember the time that our families were in Mexico together, and we spent who knows how long in the pool choreographing our own synchronized swimming routine (something neither of us know anything about).  I also look back with fondness on the week before my wedding, when Christine took several (perhaps more than several) photos of me practising my wedding smile. Who knows what my wedding pictures would have looked like if it wasn’t for her patience! One particular time that Christine was here, I had written her a lengthy letter for her to read on the airplane. I pretty much poured out my heart to her in the letter. Unfortunately in the sadness of saying goodbye at the gate, I completely forgot to give it to her. I was devastated. Thankfully there was a kind gentlemen who offered to give her the letter when he saw her on the airplane. I was so happy he was willing to help out. The next day when she arrived, I asked her what she thought of the letter. “What letter?” she asked.

He never gave it to her!!!

By the way, if you are that man, and you are reading this post, I accept online apologies!

I’ve learned a lot from this special relationship that God has brought into my life. I’ve learned that deep friendships require time and committment. Christine and I have never had the luxury of living closer to each other and sharing our daily lives together…so in order to maintain our closeness we have had to make a constant effort to keep in touch. I’ve also learned that friendship with family members is so valuable. It’s wonderful to know that through our friendship we are continuing a family tradition. It’s wonderful to have the shared stories of our mothers to build our growing relationship on. I’ve also learned that differences really do make a friendship more interesting. Although we have so much in common (Shady seems to think that we even talk the same), we are also quite different….and our short visits to see each other allows us a window into each other’s lives; an opportunity to learn from how the other one lives.

I’m so excited to see Christine. I’m so excited to have her in my home, to sit on the couch and share minute details of our lives together. To talk about all the ways that God is at work in our lives. To see her hold my daughter for the very first time. To hear her voice rather than simply reading it on the screen. The only thing I’m not looking forward to is the day she’ll have to go home.

How about you? Are there any special relationships that you have in your life that have truly been a blessing? How has God used these friendships to shape and mold you?

Thank God for the gift of family and friends!

Proverbs 18:24 “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

To put it lightly, it’s been a difficult month.

I think it began when we discovered the flood in the basement. It seems that for some time,  every time we turned on the tap, every dishwashing load, every flush of the toilet caused an overflow in the basement. I’m not sure how long it went on for, but when we went down to the basement, well, you can use your imagination.  We took pictures, but I really don’t think you want to see it.

Then I lost my keys.  Not just any keys, but I lost the chain that had my house keys, the key to my husband’s car, the key to my car, and the mailbox key.  For some reason I thought that it would be a good idea to place my keys on the roof of the car while I watered the grass. Later on, as my husband and I drove away, I heard a scratching sound coming from the roof of the car. “Hmmm, I wonder what that is?” I thought out loud. I didn’t clue in, and I haven’t seen those keys again (Add changing the locks onto the list of things to do).

It really feels like the logical side of my brain has taken an extended vacation this month…perhaps that’s why yesterday I washed our favorite white sheets with my new super black top. (Anyone looking for lavender sheets with spots of grey?) Or why I over watered our plant in the dining room and damaged the floor.

Then there was Amanda. She had her very first real fall, right off of the couch. Then we discovered she had an ear infection.  I’ve often heard mothers complain that their children had an ear infection, and I politely smiled and said “Oh that’s too bad.” If I did that to you, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how difficult it is to treat a child with an ear infection. I should have said “Oh my dear hero friend,  how deeply I feel for the pain and suffering both you and your child are going through.”  That’s what I should have said. Now I know better.

Then there was the roller blading incident that left me flat on the ground in the middle of the park. Did I mention that was only yesterday?

I really could go on….the motor that burned out on my nursing pump (which I happen to rely on daily), the myriad of contractors that have been in and out of our house doing less than what we had hoped for, the $1200 we spent on fixing both our cars,  the driving ticket we have to fight, the bottle full of Amanda’s antibiotics that I spilled all over the floor….and oh yeah, I ran out of deodorant.

Do you ever have times like this? Ever feel like life is becoming a LONG list of things that just keep going wrong? Before you know it, you start to feel like all of life is working against you, and even the normal things that go wrong feel like personal attacks on your happiness.  “THEN there was no parking available, THEN my gas light went on, then I ran out of milk.”

How do you respond when everything appears to be going wrong? What is your attitude when every day circumstances pile up against you? Have you ever found yourself entertaining thoughts that go like this: Why is my life ALWAYS so difficult? NOTHING  is EVER easy for me! No one understands what I am going through. I deserve to be cranky and irritable. I hope people can see how well I am handling this!

If we aren’t careful (which often times I’m not) our times of difficulty leave us vulnerable to entertaining thoughts that are completely contrary to what God has said in His word, and displaying attitudes that are in stark contrast to how God would have us behave.  In believing lies, we dig ourselves further into a pessimistic hole, making it more and more difficult to see how God’s hand is at work in each of these difficulties.

I really wish I spent more time listening to God’s Word, than listening to my own complaining voice.

James 1:2-4  My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into VARIOUS trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

2 Corinthians 4:17 For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison,

I know that nothing I went through this month is of the “tragic” nature.  I know that people go throough so much worse. But I don’t think you have to go through giant struggles for these verses to apply to you. I think they can refer to the build up of the every day struggles that we are more likely, in fact guaranteed, to experience. Our attitudes and our experience of the gospel doesn’t just have to be when we are facing sickness and persecution, it can be when the dishwasher isn’t working, or when we lose something of value to us, or when we feel disappointed with how someone spoke to us.I think it was the Femina blog that reminded me of this important truth. In these times we still need to take captive every thought and make them obedient to Christ. We need to preach the Gospel to ourselves and remind ourselves of the sovereignty of God over our circumstances, and the need to turn to Him, and not ourselves, for strength and endurance.

Philippians 4:11-13  Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: ¹² I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. ¹³ I can do all things through Christ^[b] who strengthens me.

I don’t claim to have mastered this attitude. In fact, I’m not even close, and am still sulking over the difficulties of this month. I’m still tempted to think that I have had to endure more than my normal share, and that somehow I should be congratulated for enduring it all. I am tempted to justify my actions when I snap at someone because I’m tired, or when my humour turns into cutting sarcasm because I feel overwhelmed. But with God’s help I can train my mind to focus on truths, rather than lies. With God’s help I can respond with gentleness and patience, rather than with with a short temper. It is with God’s help that these struggles can actually be meaningful and can ultimately bring God glory.  Isn’t that the purpose of my life to begin with…To bring God glory in all things?

 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything,   but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God,   which transcends all understanding,   will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7