It was Sunday afternoon. We were coming home from church and planned to spend a relaxing afternoon at home before heading back for evening service. I was so looking forward to going home, putting on my track pants, and enjoying a nice long nap. It was a perfect opportunity for bonding: Shady with Amanda, and me with my pillow.

But I remembered that we didn’t have anything exciting to have for lunch. I figured it would be harmless to stop and pick up some groceries first…I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in who knows how long, and since Shady was with me to help this was the perfect opportunity.

By the time we got home and lugged in all the groceries, I had really earned my nap. Except that first I just had to put the groceries away. Shady and Amanda were playing on the carpet, and I was resisting the urge to reorganize the entire fridge while putting away the food. Amanda, who now enjoys the freedom of crawling around the entire house, had made her way into the dining room where she discovered the wall vent. I smiled to myself as she began to play it like a guitar. Up and down she stroked her fingers, enjoying the sound it made.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Moments later I glanced over to find that while exercising her musical abilities on the wall vent, she had somehow cut her finger. There was blood everywhere. And I do mean everywhere! Blood on the vent, on the floor, her dress, her legs, her face. Even her ears. All from one tiny cut on her finger that she wasn’t even aware of.

I panicked. And then I did the most logical thing I could think of.

“Shaaaaaddddyyyy!!!”

As Shady rushed over to clean up the war zone, I rushed Amanda upstairs to find some bandaids and stop the bleading. The next half hour could have been an infomercial for why every parent should take a first aid course. Countless baby wipes…numerous discarded bandaids that were far too large for her tiny finger….blood spilling on the carpet, on Amanda, on me.  I had no idea how to treat this tiny little cut that was producing far more blood than I ever thought possible. I think it was around that time that Amanda clued in that something was wrong. And that’s when she started crying. Actually crying isn’t the right word…screeching is more like it.

Shady came upstairs to my rescue and we sat with her on the bathroom floor… which had now been transformed into an operating room…throwing ideas around of how we can stop the bleeding and get her to calm down.

Half an hour later, with a make shift cast that was far too big for her finger, and Amanda’s dress soaking in dish soap in the bathroom sink, Shady and I leaned against the wall on the bedroom floor. Amanda looked at us with an expression that said “you really didn’t handle that very well.” We resolved that vents were a bad idea and that we really needed to invest in children’s bandaids.

Back downstairs to resume the original task of putting the groceries away. Of course by then the interesting lunch I had planned (which now fell into the category of an early dinner) seemed largely disappointing. And in the chaos of it all I had completely forgotten to feed Amanda (another proud moment for me). So we ate. And she ate….and you guessed it….it was soon time to drive back to church for evening service. Needless to say (though I’ll say it anyways) I didn’t have my nap.

When I envision a mother who is to be admired, this scene is not what comes to mind. But I did learn some important lessons from the fiasco with the heating vent. I learned that I really need to be flexible. Just because I have an idea of how my afternoon is going to be spent, doesn’t mean that’s what I’ll actually get to enjoy. I can have a bad attitude about it, or I can embrace it and make the best of it. And for future reference, reflecting on what went wrong and who should have done what differently is important…but not while the baby is panicking and crying.  In fact as a general rule try to avoid having any kind of meaningful conversation while a baby is crying….chances are it won’t go well. And most importantly…when I’m tempted to think I’m an amazing mother who has it all together, remember these moments to keep me humble.

It’s times like these that Shady and I can look back on and laugh at our inexperience. Perhaps God does allow them to humble us, show us how much we need Him in every moment, and how important it is for Shady and I to be united as we learn how to be parents…together.

This week Shady and I celebrated our wedding anniversary! What a wonderful opportunity to stop and reflect on all the ways in which God has truly blessed me and moulded my character through this most precious and treasured relationship. I  know that it’s only been four years, and in many ways we are still “children” when it comes to marriage expertise. But I would love if I could share some of the lessons God has been teaching me about the marriage relationship.

• Being a humble listener: I’ve discovered that I’m a prideful listener. It was my mother who gently pointed out to me that often times when I listen, it is as though I am standing ready to find fault in the other person’s opinion and defend my own.  Just yesterday Shady offered a suggestion regarding an area I could make a slight change. Rather than absorb the suggestion with humility, I immediately became defensive. It was later that I realized he was right, and the only thing that prevented me from agreeing at that moment was my pride. Humble listening allows us to learn from the other’s knowledge and wisdom, take correction, and sharpen each other’s characters.
• Make an effort to make conversation: That’s it? That’s the suggestion? I know, it’s very simple, but often times very difficult to apply. Take for example the end of the day. After making dinner, cleaning up, feeding Amanda, cleaning up, giving her a bath, giving her the bottle, putting her to sleep…all I want to do is lie on the couch and enjoy not speaking. But the truth is, that may be the only time that we’ve had alone all day.  It’s important for me to make the effort to ask about his day, talk about the things that are going on with him, and share the things that I am thinking and feeling as well. Silence is easier. And of course necessary at times. But if I’m lazy in my conversations, then I could find that days go by where I haven’t made an effort to connect.
• Don’t just talk about me: I could go on about me for days (Perhaps you can relate). What I think. How I feel. What I want. What I need. What I like. What I hate. Me me me. The marriage relationship demands that I step out of just talking about me, and focus on him. How does he feel, what does he need, what are his concerns? If we’re both concerned with the other person, then both of us will be taken care of!
• Don’t do things for recognition: It’s happened several times in our relationship, and each time the result is the same. If I do something for the sole purpose of getting appreciation and thanks, and he doesn’t even notice, I’ll get upset. Fine, I’ll get mad. Like if I clean the whole house just so that he says “wow, you work so hard….in fact I’ve never seen anyone who cleans a house like you,” chances are he may not respond that way, may not give me the appreciation in the way that I want…and I’ll be disappointed. I know it’s difficult, but I need to learn to do things for the sake of blessing him and making him happy, and not just for the thanks and praise I’ll get in return.
• Surround yourself with godly marriages: Find couples who are older than you, who demonstrate godly principles in their marriage. Spend time with them, ask their advice, learn from their example. We recently had an opportunity to spend a Saturday afternoon with one of the older couples at our church. They blessed us by asking how we were doing in our marriage, how our walk with the Lord was, and encouraged us with their godly council. Rather than only filling your time with friends who are your own age, consider investing in these kind of relationships that can really prove to be a source of encouragement and growth.
• Bless your children: I can’t remember who it was that told me this, but I once heard that one of the greatest gifts I can give to Amanda is to love her father. The tendency is to make our children the first and greatest priority in our lives…andfor our husbands to take a distant second. And society may even applaud that as “sacrificial love” and claim that’s the heart of a mother. But that’s backwards. For a wife, the most important human relationship ought to be with her husband, and for the husband the same should be said for his wife. When this relationship is in its proper place, then our children will be loved, cared for, and treasured as they ought to.

So much more has been learned…praying and reading the word together, making God the centre, being sacrificial and forgiving in the midst of an argument….Is one blog really enough? Ultimately, I am left thinking, how can my marriage be a growing testimony to the powerful truth of the Gospel?

Again, I know I’m not an expert. In fact if you want expert advice on marriage, turn to God’s word. What a treasure of wisdom on the marriage relationship!

So Happy Anniversary to me…and happy Friday to all of us!

In the year 2002 I travelled to Costa Rica with one of my good friends Sherien. We loved to travel together on several occassions, mainly because our travelling styles were so similar. We would enjoy hours and hours of talking and talking and talking…but also gave each other lots of alone time to do our own thing.

On one particular afternoon I was enjoying some of this alone time. I had walked down to the beach, which was quite a hike from the hotel, and found a pier of rocks that travelled pretty far into the water.  I stood at the end of the pier and relished in being far away from everyone and everything. I stood, soaking in the sun, loving the fact that I was all alone. At least that’s what I thought.

When I turned around to return to shore I discovered I had an audience..two ferocious looking dogs who stood side by side…staring at me. I froze. My heart was gripped with fear. There really wasn’t anywhere for me to go ….though looking back I wonder why I didn’t just jump into the ocean. And so I decided the best thing to do was begin a slow and steady walk back to shore, right passed them, praying that they would have no interest in coming after me. I cannot tell you how I felt inside.

I’ll spoil the ending and tell you that nothing happened. I lived to tell about it.

Have you ever been in a similar situation where fear took over your entire body? Leaving you paralyzed, shocked, almost incapable of thinking, fear has a way of completely consuming us.

Lately I’ve found myself really having to battle fears…most of them irrational or completely unnecessary. Like the other night, after putting Amanda to bed I went downstairs to wait for shady to come home. And I was so afraid. What was I afraid of? Not entirely sure, but that didn’t make the fear less real or easy to endure.  Without any warning at all, fear crept in on me as it often does.

In fact I often fall prey to my fears, many of them springing from two of my least favorite words:  “what if?”

• What if Shady doesn’t make it home safely?
• What if something happens to Amanda when I’m not looking? 
• What if a horrible war breaks out in our country?
• What if I get sick?
• What if shady discovers how annoying I actually am??!!!

My problem with these what if questions is that I often go from “what if” to “It now is”. Within a matter of seconds my fear becomes a reality in my head, and I’m left struggling with a fear that completely blinds me from the God who is my all wise and Sovereign Lord.

The Bible has a lot to say about fear.  And much like everything else it has to say, it’s message is completely contrary to what the world has to say.

The world tells us that we need to look within ourselves for strength. No one can help me but me. But the Bible says “The LORD is my light and my salvation– whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1

The world tells us that as long as nothing bad is actually happening that there is no reason to be afraid. But the Bible says that even though something bad or difficult is happening, there is still no room for fear. “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

The world says that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. The Bible says that there is something to fear: the wrath of God for our sin. But that the believer’s punishment for sin has been paid for in the cross, and that through the resurrection of Christ the fear of the grave has been defeated. “Death has been swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory! O death, where is your sting!” 1 Corinthians 15:55

I know these verses. When I read them I think “Good verse, I already knew it, but it’s a good reminder.” But it’s not important to just know the verse, it’s important to believe the verse to the point of living it out. It’s important to build my life on these truths and stand firm on them when fear enters in. And when my mind begins to travel into the arena of “what if” questions, I need to spend my time dwelling on these truths, rather than dwelling on all the things that cause my heart to fear.

I don’t think I’m alone in this battle with fear. In fact I’m pretty confident that all of us endure the same thing. The cause for fear may be different, but we definitely share the reality of it in our lives. So as believers, let’s encourage each other with the truth of these words. Sow them into each other’s lives. When we share the things that are troubling our hearts, rather than say “Wow, that sounds difficult, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” let’s point each other to the only anchor and rock for our souls…the Word of God.

What is it about grandparents? There’s some sort of other-wordly bond that seems to be created between a grandparent and grandchild. It’s quite different from that of a parent to their child. I can’t describe exactly what kind of a love and a joy it is to be a grandchild of a grandparent (specifically a grandmother), who has truly loved and invested in you from the moment you were born.

My Lola (the Filipino word for grandma) is 95. Today she has probably spent a long period of time being fed slowly, in small bite size pieces, by my aunt who is taking care of her. She probably got up, only with the help of others, and in much pain, into a wheel chair. Here muscles have atrophied for the most part since she no longer is able to get up and move around. Any thoughts that she’s wanted to speak have been forced out in garbled sounds, no real cohesion to much of what she says. Even though there are many people around her that love her, she will quickly forget their names, or most likely not even remember them at all. About five years ago, she began to display signs of Alzheimer’s, and a few years after that, was diagnosed with a  form of the disease called dimentia. She can go between extremes of anger and great sweetness and tenderness. A few years ago when I visited her in New Mexico, and the effects of the disease were becoming very evident, I couldn’t believe how differently she appeared to me. My only knowledge of her has been memories of tenderness, a great sense of humour, and a really deep love that was displayed in all she did towards her family, and most of all, towards the Lord. To see her, forgetting who I was, unable to communicate her thoughts, and often easily irritated, was a very difficult thing.

Over the past few years, our visits have been sporadic because of the distance between us, but thankfully, she was able to come to my wedding three years ago with the help of my aunt and uncle, and now, last week was able to join our entire family at the beach for family vacation. And in spite of all her struggles, what an encouragement she was once again!

This is what I will remember most about my grandmother. I know she has not passed away, yet for all of us it’s not a question of “if”, but rather “when”. She knew Jesus. They were and are still very close. Growing up, I remember I would often walk into her room early in the morning to find her quietly, solemnly, focused in prayer, bible reading, or singing hymns. Even as a little girl, I knew that those times were not to be interrupted. Not because I was afraid that I’d upset her, but because I knew that what she was doing was very important. If I, or anyone else ever brought her a prayer request, you could be sure that she would take it most seriously and spend considerable time carrying you before the Lord. Every birthday, even though I lived miles apart, she’d send me a special card with a verse or some words of encouragement. In 2005, I had the great privilege of helping lead a Bible camp in the Philippines alongside Georgie. We went there in part to meet my Lola and help bring her back to the States. While we were there, she was a tremendous source of encouragement to us about our mission work. She was throughly interested in all that we were doing, and had many words to say in order to spur us on. I remember sitting outside with some friends one afternoon, while we were teaching each other some songs to be sung at the camp. My Lola walked by, and proceeded to join us in song. At the end she said, “Do it again, but with more enthusiasm. You are singing to the Lord!”. She is one of the wisest people I know. I can still think of a few proverbs that she would often say that have really stuck with me even now. On that same trip, I remember going into her room one evening, overcome with worries about something or another, and sitting on her bed, pouring out my heart to her. She was an excellent listener. Yes she advised me. But what I remember the most about that evening was the time we spent in prayer together. I know that for each of her children, and her grandchildren, her greatest concern was that they would know Jesus as their Lord and Saviour. And our bond with one another had the added sweetness of sibblingship in Christ. What freedom there was to speak openly and honestly with each other, to share our joy in the Lord! This is what I felt made us even closer than we would have been otherwise. A few years ago, I was visiting her and spent some time in her room looking at her collection of family photos and other personal items. She is not someone who owned much in this life. The few things she always had when she travelled were her Bible, her hymn book, and a small journal. I came upon these little journals and flipped through and noticed dates going back all the way to when I was born, and even before. In it were lists of people and things she was praying for. When I caught my name time and time again, from years back, I was struck. How many of these prayers had God answered? I’m sure countless ones! It was such a testimony to God’s faithfulness through my Lola. To read of things she had prayed for, and then to know that He had answered them, was beyond me. They knew each other well. She prayed, not as a futile exercise, but as a form of consistent warfare. She was always fighting in prayer and I am sure that she has dealt many blows as a result of all her hours on her knees. And after all these years, that is the legacy that I know I will be left with. Her investment in this life has not been primarily an earthly one, but for the world to come. I wonder how many souls will meet her in heaven and see and hear of her prayers on their behalf that were answered. Yes, she’ll be remembered for being loving, and kind. Most definitely! But I know, that her testimony of faithfulness will shine on that day.

I am not going to forget my most recent encounters with her. At the beach last week, my mom and I both spent some time reading scripture to her. She was tearing. Although she can’t speak, and can barely communicate, she remembers the Word. She can hear words of hymns, and they are ingrained upon her heart. God has not left her. He promised His people that He would never leave or forsake them. All her years in the Word have left it imprinted on her heart, unable to be removed by the sands of time and the destruction of disease. I was telling her a few months ago on another visit that she can’t forget that even when she feels alone, the Lord is always with her. I asked her “Lola, do you know that?”, and she said “I know.” That to me is such a testimony of God’s goodness. To be at her age, with a disease that has rendered you incapable of almost anything, and yet to have the confidence that the Lord is good, and He is by your side, is more valuable than any insurance policy that the world could offer. How can one face death, with that kind of fearlessness? When you know the one who holds the keys of death and life in His hands, and has overcome it, then you are at rest.

I had chosen this verse to put on the back of the programs at my wedding because it reminded me of my Lola, but more importantly, it reminded me of who my God is. It is Psalm 71:18 and it reads “So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come.” He has not forsaken her. He has given her that great privilege to testify of His might to several generations, and His power is still being displayed in her small, frail body. O Lord- make that our testimony too. May we be shown as faithful until the very end. Even in our old age (if you would have us live long), let our lives show that you are our greatest treasure and that sickness and death cannot separate us from the love that is shown to us in Christ Jesus. Amen.

Yesterday I relived my teenage years by spending the day at Canada’s Wonderland. Besides the fact that my body  was flung into the air at unimaginable speeds (something I enjoyed much more when I was a teenager), it really was such a great day.

At one point in the day I was sitting down to enjoy a meal (an extremely costly meal I might add), and I found myself seated in front of a family of four. Mom, dad, a boy and a girl. The boy looked as though he were about 8 years old…and he was not having a good day.

As his family enjoyed their meal, he just sat there and sobbed.

I became extremely nosey and found myself staring at them. I really wanted to know, why was he crying? What had happened to make him so upset? Here’s what comes to my mind in pondering the mysterious case of this sobbing child.

• We really are selfish beings….I really can’t be sure why it is that this little boy was crying. But judging from the reaction of his parents, it was probably because he wanted something that he just couldn’t have at that moment.  And so, despite the fact that his parents were trying everything they could to give their children a wonderful day, he chose to fixate on what he couldn’t have, and whine and complain….His poor sister sat there trying to enjoy her icecream. Icrecream can’t be enjoyed when the person next to you is whining!

Don’t know about you, but I could see a lot of myself in him. If I think about it, much of my whining and complaining is because I’m stuck on something that I want or think I need, and I can’t handle the fact that I don’t have it. I want a day off, can’t have it now. I want to go to sleep early, can’t have it now. I want to go shopping and spend whatever amount I want, can’t have it period. And so, when my selfishness gets the better of me, I “whine and complain”, regardless of how my mood is affecting those around me. How about you, can you relate? Ever let your unmet wants or expectations result in selfish, me-centered behaviour, regardless of the effect it’s having on those around you?  True, we don’t physically sit and let our tears of complaint fall in public, but on the inside, we mark a striking resemblance to this sobbing child. How different relationships would be if we focused on the wants and expectations of those around us, rather than simply our own. “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. ⁴ Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

• Parenting never stops…If I were the parent in that same situation, I would have likely told myself something like this: “I’m trying to have a good day….I just need one day, even one moment off of disciplining and training you. So cry it out and work this one out yourself.” But the truth is, parenting really is a full time job. There are no days off. Of course there is a time and place for addressing behaviour, and when possible, we do need to give ourselves moments of rest. But, our children’s behaviour is in large part our responsibility and must be addressed.  God’s word says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6 As with all things, this is something that can only be done with God’s grace and wisdom and strength.  On our own, our patience runs out after moments (sometimes seconds). Thank God for His help in this area of disciplining and training our children.
• There is no perfection on earth….I’ll tell you one thing: a day at Wonderland is expensive! For a family of four to enter the park they are paying well over a hundred dollars.  If they don’t want to lug around a suitcase full of food, they are dishing out  at least another hundred dollars in food. Then there’s the time they are investing. And the energy of standing in line and pretending to enjoy rides that go against human nature. As parents we will go to extreme measures to give our children memorable days and meaningful experiences. Of course we don’t need to break the bank in order to do that! But as a parent I anticipating learning that regardless of the effort and the “perfect” environment I try to create, my children will still cry, be disappointed, and may even end the day with a tantrum. No day is perfect, and no experience completely satisfying and without flaw. Perfection does not exist this side of heaven, and we need to train our children (and ourselves) to find full satisfaction in God alone. That’s a challenging one “Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere;” Psalm 84:10

I know…I’ve completely analyzed a seemingly simple situation. Maybe he just needed a good cry (I can also relate to that)! But there really are valuable, biblical lessons everywhere we look, even at a picnic table in the middle of Canada’s Wonderland…

The countdown to the Olympics is over. Today the entire world sets their sights on London to watch athletes compete for the gold. I have to be honest.  All this talk about the Olympics has really got me reminiscing of my sporty days. Bet you didn’t know I once had a promising athletic career!

I think it began with track and field. Way back in elementary school I tried out for running long jump and found out I was actually really good. In fact I came first in my school (You can shake my hand when you see me). So off I went to York University to compete in the Regionals. It should have been a proud day for me. Until they found out that our star athlete was being disqualified from the 400m relay race for competing in too many events. What’s worse…she was running anchor, which is the position reserved for the strongest runner.  Rather than bow out of the competition our coach decided to put, in my opinion, the least experienced runner in her spot. That would be me. All I had to do was receive the baton and sprint across the finish line. I ran as hard and as fast as I knew how…and led my team to a dismal defeat.

We came in last…and that was the end of my track and field career.

Then there were my basketball days.  I actually don’t like basketball at all. It completely goes against my sporting philosophy: never over exert yourself to catch a ball. It’s just not worth it. Somehow I still made it on the team…probably because we’re talking about grade 7, and I don’t think anyone gets cut at the grade 7 level.  I actually have zero recollection of my life as a basketball player…except for one not so proud moment.

We were at the regional tournament. The opposing team was up at the free throw line. I was in position ready to take the rebound. Then, right before she  threw the ball I decided I wasn’t standing in the right spot. No one told me you weren’t supposed to move until after the ball was thrown. So the ref blew the whistle on me. He called a foul…or a penalty…or yellow card….whatever it’s called it was so not my fault.

Basketball career ends there.

But there was always volleyball. Now that was a sport I knew I was good at. I was proud to be on the team and really felt like this was a sport that would take me places. Then I hit grade nine. I tried out for the team and was cut after just one tryout. Now I don’t mean to sound like I’m whining, but is that honestly enough time to judge someone’s abilities? One tryout? . That coach really made a wrong call. And so, at the ripe age of 14, I threw in my towel and decided that my life, as a competitive athlete, was coming to an end. I’ve played on lots of recreational teams since…but, it’s just not the same.

Despite the scars of a career gone wrong, I’m still really looking forward to watching the Olympics. I love watching the energy and utter devotion the athletes display…You can almost see their gaze focused on the one prize, and nothing, not even millions of spectators cheering them on,  not the pressure, not even physical injuries distracts them from their goal. In fact it has been said that an Olympic athletes spend their entire lives training, preparing and focused on those precious ten seconds.

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

^2”Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. ²⁵ And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. ²⁶ Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. ²⁷ But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection…” 1 Corinthians 9:24-27a

Over the next few weeks, as we sit before our television screens and cheer the athletes on, let’s meditate on the truth of how our Christian walk is much like the journey of an athlete. We too train. We work hard, face difficulties and setbacks, and endure. When you see the look of determination in the athletes’ faces, ask yourself, do I share the same determination in my Christian walk? Do we display the same courage? Resilience? Do we forsake all distractions for the sake of our heavenly prize? Do we work and sweat for the purpose of the Kingdom?  I feel I have a lot to learn from these Olympic athletes. ….

But the believer’s story is quite different. We do not spend what seems like an eternity preparing for a moment that’s over in the blink of an eye. Our treasure does not rest on a mantlepiece.  On the contrary, Christians spend what appears to be the blink of an eye, preparing for the joy, the prize,  of an eternity with the Lord.

^“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, ¹⁸ while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal” . 2  Corinthians 4:16-18

Have you ever thought about what you think about?

No, it’s not a trick question! I’m serious…if you look back on your day, what have you spent your time thinking about?  What are the thoughts that have run through the hallway of your mind?

Mine are often consumed with a running commentary on what’s happening during the day:

• Next I’ll do the laundry. Oh the laundry…why is that hamper always full? No matter how many loads of laundry I do, the hamper is always full! I don’t get it.
• Next I’ll feed Amanda. I wonder how she’ll torture me this time? I really hope she doesn’t torture me.
• It’s 6:00pm already? How did that happen?
• I’m soooo hungry….actually I’m starving.  I wonder how many little chocolates make up a chocolate bar. One chocolate bar a day sounds reasonable.
• It’s 11:00 already? When am I going to get to sleep? I really need some sleep!

It’s inevitable…our minds will entertain thoughts about the mundane, every day events of our lives. But if we step back and look over the course of our day, what pattern of thinking would we find? Have we spent our day complaining about our responsibilities? Festering over annoying qualities of people we’ve encountered? Grumbling about our circumstances and how we wish they had gone differently?

Here is another question. Have you ever noticed how much your thoughts impact the way you feel? How do your thoughts impact the way you speak, the way you act…in essence, the way that you live?

“…casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10:5

I love this verse because it reminds me that we are not victims to our thoughts. As a Christian I cannot use the excuse “I can’t help it, that’s just what came into my mind.” On the contrary as believers we have been equipped to take captive our thoughts and bring them under the authority of Christ.  Fears, doubts, complaining, jealousy…all the thoughts that are troublesome and contrary to what God wants for us….we don’t just have to sit there and have those thoughts. We can bring them under Christ’s authority and ask that He would help us have thoughts that are obedient to His word.

When I was young I used to be petrified of horror movies (actually, who am I kidding, I’m still petrified of horror movies). If something scary was on TV, I would hide my eyes with my hands, but keep my fingers slightly open, just wide enough so that I can peer through them to see when it was safe to look.  I desperately wanted to stop watching. And then one day it dawned on me.

I have the remote control.

If I don’t want to watch something, I can just change the channel. Why sit there and allow myself to be troubled? Why watch something that was frightening me so much?

Believers have the remote control to their thoughts. We can take captive our thoughts and bring them under subjection to Christ so that fear is replaced with confidence in God. Doubt can be replaced with trust. Complaining can be replaced with contentment.  Jealousy can be replaced with gratitude. That’s the power of Christ’s Spirit within us. We can take captive our thoughts and thereby determine our feelings, our actions, our conduct.

I’m reading a book by J.I. Packer called “Knowing God.” I’m still only on the second chapter, but already I’ve been struck by such an important truth. Packer reminds us that one of the evidences of knowing God is our thoughts….more specifically our thoughts about God. In his book he writes:

“Those who know God have great thoughts of God. He knows, and foreknows, all things, and his foreknowledge is foreordination; He therefore will have the last word, both in world history and in the destiny of every man; His kingdom and righteousness will triumph in the end, for neither men nor angels shall be able to thwart Him….Is this how we think of God? Is this the view of God which our own praying expresses? Does this tremendous sense of His holy majesty, His moral perfection and His gracious faithfulness keep us humble and dependent, awed and obedient..? By this test, too, we may measure how much, or how little, we know God.” (p. 29, 30)

Wow. Our thoughts are not only important because of how they affect our lives, our attitudes and even our behaviour. Ultimately our thoughts are important because they demonstrate how much, or how little we know of God.  And it was for this reason, knowing God, that we were created:

“Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom,
Let not the mighty man glory in his might,
Nor let the rich man glory in his riches;
²⁴ But let him who glories glory in this,
That he understands and knows Me,” Jeremiah 9:23-24

Those who know God will have high thoughts of Him. And high thoughts of God will lead to right thinking about others, responsibilities and circumstances. And right thinking about those things will lead to right conduct that brings Him glory and pleasure.

And how else could we know God were it not for the Gospel?

And so I ask the question again, “Have you ever thought about what you think about?”

²⁰ But you have not so learned Christ, ²¹ if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: ²² that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, ²³ and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, ²⁴ and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:20-24

Here are a few more words through pictures from the great Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones’ sermons on “Spiritual Depression”.

In order to know how to deal with spiritual depression, Lloyd Jones says that firstly that, unless there is “a conviction of sin, and if you do not realize that you are unworthy before God, and that you are utterly condemned and a complete failure before God, pay attention to nothing else until you have it, until you come to this realization, because you will never find joy, you will never get rid of your depression until you are right about that. Conviction of sin is an essential preliminary to a  true experience of salvation.” It must sound counterintuitive to say that in order to be joyful or truly happy, you need to feel condemned, convicted, and unworthy. But this is the truth. Jesus taught this in the Sermon on the Mount. Blessed are those who mourn, because knowing the truth about our sinful and helpless state is the only thing that will cause us to realize our need for Christ. Otherwise, we live as fools, trying self-salvation projects of all sorts, and depending on our own “righteousness”. Therefore, if this conviction of our guilt before God is not in place, we will never turn to Him, and as a result, we will never truly be able to deal with our spiritual depression. How many people believe they were saved because of an emotional experience, signing a card, or raising a hand and saying a prayer, but never felt a conviction of their sin? If a person has never truly understood the way of salvation, all their beliefs and efforts will be more or less useless. Once again, I can’t say it better than him, so here are a few excerpts from one of the chapters of his book.