Meet My Shadow

Amanda has entered a new phase of her life. I like to refer to it with the sophisticated and highly technical term…”clingy.” Yes, I believe clingy is the right term to describe what’s happening. Don’t get me wrong, I love her constant attention and need for affection (I honestly do). It’s just that having a permanent shadow can sometimes get a little tricky.

Take for example the other day when I was washing the dishes. She sat at my feet, clinging onto my pant legs, crying desperately for me to pick her up. I have to admit, the dishes probably didn’t pass a safety check under those conditions…for how can I resist her clear display of wanting to be close to me? Then there are the mornings when I’m trying to get ready. She will sit on the bathroom floor, looking up at me with those “I can’t wait for you to carry me” eyes…she’ll follow me from the bathroom, to the closet, and to the bathroom again. Her eyes don’t come off of me. I try to distract her with a basket of make up, toiletries, anything…and sometimes it will work. But once I leave the room, it’s over. She’s on my trail in seconds, desperate to ensure that I’m not out of reach.

I’d love to say it’s because of my good looks and my charming personality.. But I know that’s not the case. I know that what’s happening here is her growing sense of complete dependence on me. In fact, have you ever thought about how completely dependent young children are on their parents? Think about it. They could not be changed were it not for us. They can only eat what we offer them. They only wear what we provide. They have no say in where they go, when they’ll return and what they’ll be doiing while they’re there. They look to their parents for every single facet of their lives.

Utter dependence.

This morning I was listening to a sermon by Pastor John MacArthur on the pillars of Christian character. He referred to the story found in Matthew 18. Jesus’ disciples are arguing amongst each other over who of them would be greatest in the kingdom of heaven. To teach them a lesson on humility Jesus takes a little child into His arms and instructs them with these words: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3

The applications of this verse are many. Among them is the truth that we have much to learn from the total dependence a young child has on his parents. As he humbly looks to his parents for every aspect of life, so we too must we come to God in humility and be completely dependent on our heavenly Father. It would be ridiculous if a young infant were to declare that he no longer needed his mother or father. “I’ll be changing my own diaper from now on…thank you very much.”  Yet how many times do I go about my day, depending on my own strength, wisdom and will. God’s word reminds me that my dependence on God must be total and complete…looking to Him for every need, desire and want…trusting in His wisdom and providencial care.

It’s not just the dependence that Amanda has on me that causes her to  be glued to my feet at all times. For often times I’m not fulfillling a specific need or meeting one of her desires at that moment. In fact one of our favorite pass times together is when she is playing with her toys in her play room. I rest my head on the carpet and simply watch her play. I’m not doing anything particularly impressive at the the time. I’m not singing fun songs, playing creative games or even talking for that matter. I’m simply sitting and enjoying her company. Occassionally I’ll quickly leave the room to get something that I need…and that’s when it happens…panic. She’ll cry, follow me out of the room, devastated that I would even consider leaving for a brief moment. And that’s when I realize it…she just wants to be with me. She wants the safety and security of knowing that her mother is in the room.

Another lesson learned. For I can’t help but ask myself if I crave my God’s fellowship in this same way. Am I content with living my day completely cut off from any thoughts of God, any meditations on His word, any words of prayer? Or do I long to think more on His perfect character, reflect on the wonderful truths of His word, and seek to be in prayer as I go about my daily life? Do I seek after His presence the way Amanda seeks after mine?

True, we don’t look to God in the same way that a child looks to his parents. We do not use our physical eyes, nor do we outgrow our need of Him. Instead, with the spiritual eyes of faith, we grow in our dependence of Him daily. For the more we know of Him, the more we realize how much we are in need of Him and how completely satisfying He truly is.

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.” Hebrews 12:2