A friend of mine shared a story with me that really made me laugh! A while back she was assigned a new office at her workplace, which meant she had also inherited the plant that came with it. Nervous that somehow she would cause the death of this plant, she was very careful to take good care of it by watering it regularly. This went on for a few days. That is until she made a great discovery…the plant wasn’t real!!

Shocked and surprised she immediately shared the story with the office secretary….who then broke into tears of laughter. Why? Because she too had been fooled by the appearance of the plant, and had been watering it for months!

Appearances can truly be deceiving. I know that on numerous occassions  my eyes have tricked me into thinking one thing…when the reality was quite the opposite. Food that looked delicious but actually made me sick. Individuals who appeared intimidating and uncaring, who later showed themselves to be kind and compassionate. Purchases that looked appealing and promised satisfaction, but delivered only regret.

Sin that promises life…and delivers only death.

THE ULTIMATE DECEPTION

The media often portrays the devil as an ugly man, draped in a red cape, carrying a pitchfork. But let’s be honest, if that’s the package in which sin was delivered, would we truly be so easily enticed? The devil, and similarly sin, parade as though they were appealing, beautiful, desirable, life giving. Sin promises to give us all we desire…true happiness and true life. But this is nothing more than deceptive appearances.   Sin will never deliver on its promises. The only thing that it will provide is regret, shame, separation from God, and ultimately, for those who reject Christ, spiritual death.

Throughout the Bible God describes sin as both deceiving and leading to death.

“But encourage one another day after day…so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Hebrew 3:13

“But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” James 1:14-15

THE DECEITFULNESS OF THE FLESH

Not only is the Bible filled with verses warning us about the deceitfulness of sin, we are also reminded about the true nature of man. On the outside, we really are very attractive beings … Living in very attractive homes…living very attractive lives. Things look beautiful from the outside! The truth however is that apart from Christ our hearts are depraved…dead in our sinful state. Those are harsh words, and they are not easy to swallow…but this is exactly the diagnosis that God has made of mankind. We are told that in our sinful state, we are in actual fact spiritually dead and separated from God. All believers, before conversion, were dead in their sinful nature. It is not until God’s Spirit inhabits our hearts and turns us to Christ that we are given a new nature…one that is reborn to the things of God.

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great live with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ.” Ephesians 2:4-5

BACK TO THE PLANT

So what about the plant? As bizarre as it seems to water a dead plant, in many ways we do this on a daily basis. Though Christ has put to death our sinful nature, we repeatedly invest in behaviour, thoughts, words that nurture our sinful nature, rather than the new man that was created in Christ Jesus to do good works. Think about it. Every time I give in to sins deception, I nurture my flesh and starve my spirit. I am seeking to revive the very nature Christ has crucified on my behalf. I water that which ought to be starved, and neglect that which ought to be nurtured.

In John Owens book…The Mmortification of Sin…we are reminded about the constant battle in which a Christian must be involved. This battle is with sin…and if we are not daily conscious of our struggle with sin, seeking to mortify it and cut it out of our lives…it will take over…steal, kill and destroy. John Owen reminds us that we ought to be killing sin or else sin will be killing US.

For believers, God has truly put to death the sinful nature. Though we continue to struggle with its daily temptations and numerous times fall into its deceptive appearance…God promises to keep us faithful. He will complete what he has began in us, and it is by His Spirit that we can nurture life, and not death, through obedience to Him.

So Christian…stop watering the dead plant would you?

I don’t care how strange this sounds…I love the new Swiffer commercial!! After cleaning the house in record time (with the help of her Swiffer of course) the woman in the ad catches a glimpse of her coffee mug. With utter excitement she grabs the mug, rushes out the front door and revels in the fact that she now has the time to drink it on the porch! It’s a small pleasure, I know. She didn’t win the lottery, isn’t going on vacation to a luxurious island…she’s not even enjoying a fancy meal. Just a quiet moment with her coffee mug on the front porch. Ahhhh…what a thought.

The commercial makes me smile because I feel like I can relate to her! Oh to drink a coffee in the front porch…an uninterrupted, quiet, responsibility-less moment. Don’t get many of those moments anymore.

In fact if I’m honest I’ll admit that motherhood really has come with its abundance of  sacrifices. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. Rest. Freedom to hop in the car and go where I please. A wardrobe that contains only one size clothing. The ability to carry one purse with only my items…as opposed to a travelling kitchen/back up wardrobe. The constant heavy burden of wondering if I’m doing motherhood properly.

But you know what? It’s worth every sacrifice and much more. Like a treasure that you save up for and spend all you have to obtain, so is motherhood…completely worth the cost.

Some things in life are worth every last ounce of sacrifice.

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.”

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

We can read these words, spoken by Christ, in Matthew 13. The point of the passage is not that we have to sell everything we have in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. However, what we do see in these words is that knowing God, walking and fellowshipping with Him, and ultimately living with Him in Heaven forever is an invaluable treasure, far beyond anything else we could ever obtain or dream of receiving.

But it does come with a cost. If we are honest we’ll admit that following Jesus is does require sacrifice, and does cost us something. Like what?
– It costs us our pride – Coming before a Holy God in confession and repentence
– It costs our will – Laying down our own preferences and living instead according to the ways outlined in God’s Word.
– It costs self denial – Living with Christ as Lord, rather than defending my “right” to be my own master

Yes, salvation is a free gift and is a result of faith alone. Yes and Yes again! But genuine faith, a life that seeks to follow Christ, will come with difficulties and cost. I don’t think anyone knew the cost of discipleship more than the apostle Paul. Listen to what he endured for the name of Christ in 1 Corinthians 11:

“Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness— 28 besides the other things, what comes upon me daily: my deep concern for all the churches.”

Why go through all this? Why pay such a high price? Because the treasure far exceeded the personal pain and sacrifice.

I need to be reminded of the ultimate worth of Christ. No sacrifice takes away from his value. No earthly pleasure can compare with the knowledge of him. I don’t claim to always apply this, nor do I say it as though I fully live it. But I know it is true…and I press on in this pursuit to know him more.

What are the difficulties you face today? What “cost” is required in your discipleship of Him? What is your obedience requiring you to sacrifice at the foot of the cross? Together, let us keep our eyes on the Pearl of great price, the treasure of greatest worth…knowing Jesus Christ our Lord.

Now I’ve gone and pinned myself into a corner. I promised that this week you would be getting a really good post. The pressure feels very high, and I’m scared you’ll be disappointed. So, if you walk away feeling disappointed, please don’t tell me. Just carry on with your day as if nothing happened.

This past weekend I was in Buffalo visiting some family members and doing some shopping. While I was walking around the mall, I couldn’t help but feel like I was seeing doubles. Sometimes even triples. All around me were groups of teenagers…all of whom looked exactly the same! They were all wearing Hollister type track pants…Abercrombie sweatshirts…big brown Uggs…and had their hair pulled up in a “last minute” bun. Exact replicas.

The fashionable trend of the era may change, but the fact that, with time, friends begin to act and even dress like each other is nothing new. I know I was exactly the same way. The more I spent time with my friends, the more I became like them, talked like them, and yes, even dressed and wore my hair like them.

It even happens with married couples. Now, I have a theory. There’s no scientific knowledge to back this up, so if you google it, you won’t find anything. But I personally believe that as the years pass, a married couple begins to increasingly resemble each other…as in, they start to look like brother and sister! The next time you’re out, see it for yourself. Take a look at the married couples in the mall, sitting with each other in restaurants, walking down the street together. The older they are and the longer they’ve been married…the more they look like they are related.

Beyond the physical resemblance, have you ever noticed how similar husbands and wives become with time? They begin to finish each other’s sentences, tell the same stories, even fall into the same routine that becomes wholly theirs. I see it with my parents in such a clear way. It’s a common occurrence for my mother to tell me a story, only to find that my father is repeating the same one to me only a few hours later. Though I’ve only been married for four years, I can already see it happening with Shady. Lately some of the jokes he’s been telling have had a very “Dina” flavour about them. I look at him with those “I’m turning you into me” smile. But I know it works both ways…so many of his personality traits are rubbing off on me as well!

It’s inevitable I think…the more time we spend with someone, the more we will be molded into their image, and them into ours. We become like the company that we keep.

The Bible teaches us that when man and women were first created, we were made to bear HIS image. We were made to resemble God and be like Him. But sin entered the world, and we began to think and act in ways that are completely contrary to the image and character of God. That’s one of the reasons why I love the Holy Spirit! Because it is the Holy Spirit who convicts us of this sin, points us to the cross, and reconciles us to God. And then something amazing happens…the Holy Spirit begins the incredible work of restoring us to the image of Christ. We begin to bear a strong resemblance to the nature and character of Jesus Christ…we begin to resemble Him. More and more. Every day.

How does this happen? A little bit like the teenage girls who slowly become twins as they spend time together…a little like the husband and wife who grow in their resemblance to each other…so too with us, as we spend time with the Lord, in His Word, fellowshipping with Him throughout the day, speaking with Him in prayer…we too grow in our likeness of Him. But it’s not just that his character will “rub off” on us…no there is a greater power at work in us. The Holy Spirit, who dwells within the believer, will do the work, changing us, molding us day by day, into the image of Christ. And as He does this, we find the things He hates, we begin to hate. And the things He loves, we begin to love. And the character of Christ, it shines through ours.

We begin to bear a family resemblance to Christ, such that people know we belong to Him. And they learn more about Him by observing our characters.

That is our hope, and that is our aim. To be ever, increasingly more like Christ.

2 Corinthians 3:18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Don’t be mad…but I just can’t think of anything to write.

I really tried. I started writing a post about how we shouldn’t waste our lives wishing for the weekend. Every Monday we wish it were Friday. Every Friday we look forward to our Saturday morning sleep in. Every Sunday we dread Monday…only start over again. What a waste. If we only had one week to live, would we still be wishing for the weekend with such fervour?

But honestly, I couldn’t turn it into a whole post. It seemed like a good idea in my mind, but it just didn’t work out on paper.

Then I tried writing about how every new phase of my life requires me to learn how to live all over again. With marriage, comes learning how to be a wife and home keeper. With motherhood comes learning how to care for a child while still maintaining my sanity. And I anticipate that there will be several phases to come that will require me to once again learn how to live all over again. But as I wrote the post, I sounded like such a pessimist…and I sounded like I was stressing out over the future, even though that’s not really how I feel. It sounded like someone else speaking, and not me, so I decided to discard that idea too.

Then I got excited because I thought about writing some of my most bizarre childhood memories. Like the time that I had a dog walking business and the St. Bernard across the street attacked me. It was a lesson in obedience, since my mother had strictly warned me not to walk that particular dog. I didn’t listen, and I ended up in the hospital. And I also wanted to write about the time I was in grade four and some of the girls in my class decided they didn’t like me any more. This led to the formation of the “I hate Dina” club…a club that didn’t last long, and I was once again invited into the inner circle. The memory is a funny thing, and since I dont know which ones will be stored in Amanda’s mind, I want to make each interaction I have with her one that is worthy of being stored in her memory for life.

I really thought that post would work…but the words just weren’t coming.

I even considered writing about how much I wish I could relive my teenager years…only this time I would live like the only perspective that mattered was God’s….and I wouldn’t care so much what other people thought of me and how they perceived me. I wouldn’t be so self conscious thinking that everyone was watching my ever move. Who cares if I was seen alone? Who cares if people thought I had no one to talk to. In fact, if I did it over, I would walk into the cafeteria with a book, sit down at a table alone, and read. That’s exactly what I’d do.

But this one needs more thought. Living for an audience of only one…I really want to develop that one…and I’m way too tired for that right now.

So I’ll be honest. I don’t think I can write one tonight. I’m more sleepy than usual. I’m staring at my couch with deep longing. I’m waking up at 6:30 am tomorrow and the very thought makes me nauseous.

I hope you’ll forgive me. I promise…next week will be a good one.

Amanda has entered a new phase of her life. I like to refer to it with the sophisticated and highly technical term…”clingy.” Yes, I believe clingy is the right term to describe what’s happening. Don’t get me wrong, I love her constant attention and need for affection (I honestly do). It’s just that having a permanent shadow can sometimes get a little tricky.

Take for example the other day when I was washing the dishes. She sat at my feet, clinging onto my pant legs, crying desperately for me to pick her up. I have to admit, the dishes probably didn’t pass a safety check under those conditions…for how can I resist her clear display of wanting to be close to me? Then there are the mornings when I’m trying to get ready. She will sit on the bathroom floor, looking up at me with those “I can’t wait for you to carry me” eyes…she’ll follow me from the bathroom, to the closet, and to the bathroom again. Her eyes don’t come off of me. I try to distract her with a basket of make up, toiletries, anything…and sometimes it will work. But once I leave the room, it’s over. She’s on my trail in seconds, desperate to ensure that I’m not out of reach.

I’d love to say it’s because of my good looks and my charming personality.. But I know that’s not the case. I know that what’s happening here is her growing sense of complete dependence on me. In fact, have you ever thought about how completely dependent young children are on their parents? Think about it. They could not be changed were it not for us. They can only eat what we offer them. They only wear what we provide. They have no say in where they go, when they’ll return and what they’ll be doiing while they’re there. They look to their parents for every single facet of their lives.

Utter dependence.

This morning I was listening to a sermon by Pastor John MacArthur on the pillars of Christian character. He referred to the story found in Matthew 18. Jesus’ disciples are arguing amongst each other over who of them would be greatest in the kingdom of heaven. To teach them a lesson on humility Jesus takes a little child into His arms and instructs them with these words: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3

The applications of this verse are many. Among them is the truth that we have much to learn from the total dependence a young child has on his parents. As he humbly looks to his parents for every aspect of life, so we too must we come to God in humility and be completely dependent on our heavenly Father. It would be ridiculous if a young infant were to declare that he no longer needed his mother or father. “I’ll be changing my own diaper from now on…thank you very much.”  Yet how many times do I go about my day, depending on my own strength, wisdom and will. God’s word reminds me that my dependence on God must be total and complete…looking to Him for every need, desire and want…trusting in His wisdom and providencial care.

It’s not just the dependence that Amanda has on me that causes her to  be glued to my feet at all times. For often times I’m not fulfillling a specific need or meeting one of her desires at that moment. In fact one of our favorite pass times together is when she is playing with her toys in her play room. I rest my head on the carpet and simply watch her play. I’m not doing anything particularly impressive at the the time. I’m not singing fun songs, playing creative games or even talking for that matter. I’m simply sitting and enjoying her company. Occassionally I’ll quickly leave the room to get something that I need…and that’s when it happens…panic. She’ll cry, follow me out of the room, devastated that I would even consider leaving for a brief moment. And that’s when I realize it…she just wants to be with me. She wants the safety and security of knowing that her mother is in the room.

Another lesson learned. For I can’t help but ask myself if I crave my God’s fellowship in this same way. Am I content with living my day completely cut off from any thoughts of God, any meditations on His word, any words of prayer? Or do I long to think more on His perfect character, reflect on the wonderful truths of His word, and seek to be in prayer as I go about my daily life? Do I seek after His presence the way Amanda seeks after mine?

True, we don’t look to God in the same way that a child looks to his parents. We do not use our physical eyes, nor do we outgrow our need of Him. Instead, with the spiritual eyes of faith, we grow in our dependence of Him daily. For the more we know of Him, the more we realize how much we are in need of Him and how completely satisfying He truly is.

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.” Hebrews 12:2

Think of all the things you could learn about yourself if you examine your behaviour while standing at the microwave. I know, it seems silly, but give me a chance.

“The Last Ten Seconds Test”

It’s incredible when you think of how quickly your meal can be prepared. 2.5 minutes is all you need to deliver a dinner plate that is piping hot. You’d think that would be satisfying enough, right? But have you ever been guilty of standing at the microwave, staring at the numbers as they make their way down to zero, and decide that you just can’t wait out the last ten seconds? I’ve done it several times. With only ten seconds left to go, I tell myself “I’m sure it’s hot enough. What’s another ten seconds going to do anyways?” And so I pull my food out of the microwave, prematurely of course, satisfied that I’ve saved myself ten seconds of my life!  If you think you’re a patient person, stand at the microwave and watch your meal being warmed. See if you pass the “Last 10 Seconds Test”.

Drifting Thoughts

As you stand at the microwave, see if you can pinpoint exactly what it is that you’re thinking about. You can tell a lot about someone by what they think about when there’s really nothing to think about. The microwave is not unique in offering us this window into our thoughts. Sitting in traffic, waiting in line, lying in bed trying to fall asleep. These are all moments when our thoughts tend to drift…and their final destination reveals much about the condition of our hearts and the cares on our minds. It’s been said that the average person spends 60 minutes a day just “waiting”. Okay fine, I made that statistic up…but the amount of time we spend waiting is probably close to that…What do we do with that time? What thoughts are we entertaining and what can we learn about our hearts as a result?

The All Important To Do List

Maybe you’ve read the last point and thought “Stand at the microwave?” There’s no time to just stand there…do you know how much I have to do? That’s 2.5 minutes that I can actually use to cross things off my list. Load the laundry, empty the dishwasher, take out the garbage…I could go on.” I have to admit, this is me. Sometimes I am so driven to cross each item off my to do list, that I’ll drive myself crazy using every minute of the day to get it all done. I need the reminder that if I can’t even afford a couple of minutes to stand and wait for my food to be prepared, then perhaps I’m placing unnecessary expectations on myself. God has given us 24 hours in a day, not so that we can whine about how there aren’t enough hours in our day, but because that is the sufficient amount of time we need to accomplish all that He would have us do. If we’re running ourselves dry, could it be that we need a lesson in simplifying our lives and reorganizing our priorities based on God’s principles?

What we Eat

I put a lot of  thought into my food. What should eat? When will I prepare it? When will I buy it? How can I make it more creative? All this just for physical food. But what about spiritual food? As we stand at the microwave waiting for our physical food, is this not an opportunity to reflect on our spiritual diet, so to speak, of God’s word.  Do I put the same effort into ensuring that I receive spiritual nourishment? Am I receiving my daily portion of God’s word? Am I drinking from the living water and feasting on Christ on a consistent basis? If not, what in my life needs to change so that the answer can be a resounding yes?

So….what do you learn about yourself if you examine your microwave habits? Are you as patient as you thought? What is the content of your thoughts? Have you filled your life with too many responsibilities that leave you running frantically through life with little time to slow down? Are you placing the right importance on your spiritual nutrition, rather than just your physical nourishment?

It’s only 2.5 minutes, but it can reveal so much.

“Behold our God, seated on His throne, come let us adore Him”

Last Sunday we sang a song in church, and this line really resonated with me. So many amazing truths are packed in the one statement “God on His throne.” I hope to be able to look at just a few of them, though I definitely won’t be able to cover it all.

We don’t have to watch international news for long to see the effects of a country without a leader. Where some think this would be the ultimate freedom, the result is always widespread chaos, disorder, injustice and ultimately rampant fear. The truth that God is on His throne assures us that this world is never without a Sovereign King. What is more, unlike kings and leaders who are corrupt and not to be trusted, our Sovereign King is righteous, Holy and always good. “Say among the nations ‘The Lord reigns.’ The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved; He will judge the peoples with equity.” Psalm 96:10

The fact that God is on His throne not only comforts me in knowing that He is sovereignly ruling the universe, but as a believer, it means that He holds sole responsibility of ordering and ruling my own personal life. It’s one thing for a leader to run a country…but an entirely different thing to invite this leader into your home, your life, your own soul to order its affairs and manage every detail. But this is what it means to be a Christian. Why is this a comfort? Because we have the promise that “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

If I were in charge of our nation (and thank God that I’m not), I’m pretty sure I’d live with a nagging fear. When will this all be over? How long will it take for people to discover that I’m not as good as I think I am? How long before they are disappointed with me, as they are with all other leaders in their past? In essence, how long before my seat in office come to its end? What’s incredible about the truth of “God on His throne” is thatHis throne will never be occupied by another, nor will His rule ever come to an end. In fact there has never been a time when God was not ruling in power.  For all of eternity past, and all eternity to come, He is firmly established as Sovereign ruler and King.   ”Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures all generations.” Psalm 145:13

When I think of a leader, ruling over the affairs of the country, I picture someone who is completely out of reach of the common people. He or she is tucked away at the end of a long hallway, protected by door after door, guarded by security of course, until finally you reach an inner office where only the few elite are allowed to inhabit. The regular folk, they just a get a view of the outside building from a tour bus. And if you want to talk to the ruler, I mean, I guess you could try calling his direct line. But really, good luck with that! But look at what God’s word says about the Christian’s relationship with our Sovereign King:

“Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰ by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, ²¹ and having a High Priest over the house of God, ²² let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith” Hebrews 10:19-22

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

One more thing. It’s obvious that not everyone acknowledges, or even believes in the God of the Bible. Some dismiss Him as a fairy tale and disregard His very existence. But this does not thwart His plans, nor does it interfere with His Sovereign Rule. Unlike human rulers, God does not need to be elected. He sits on His throne because He is God, and nothing will ever change that. And there will come a day when all men will stand before this holy throne, and will be need to give an account for how they have responded to the person and work of Christ. Have they rejected Christ? Or have they turned to Him in faith?  This is the only basis by which all men will be judged.

Are we ready to stand before this throne?

It was Sunday afternoon. We were coming home from church and planned to spend a relaxing afternoon at home before heading back for evening service. I was so looking forward to going home, putting on my track pants, and enjoying a nice long nap. It was a perfect opportunity for bonding: Shady with Amanda, and me with my pillow.

But I remembered that we didn’t have anything exciting to have for lunch. I figured it would be harmless to stop and pick up some groceries first…I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in who knows how long, and since Shady was with me to help this was the perfect opportunity.

By the time we got home and lugged in all the groceries, I had really earned my nap. Except that first I just had to put the groceries away. Shady and Amanda were playing on the carpet, and I was resisting the urge to reorganize the entire fridge while putting away the food. Amanda, who now enjoys the freedom of crawling around the entire house, had made her way into the dining room where she discovered the wall vent. I smiled to myself as she began to play it like a guitar. Up and down she stroked her fingers, enjoying the sound it made.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Moments later I glanced over to find that while exercising her musical abilities on the wall vent, she had somehow cut her finger. There was blood everywhere. And I do mean everywhere! Blood on the vent, on the floor, her dress, her legs, her face. Even her ears. All from one tiny cut on her finger that she wasn’t even aware of.

I panicked. And then I did the most logical thing I could think of.

“Shaaaaaddddyyyy!!!”

As Shady rushed over to clean up the war zone, I rushed Amanda upstairs to find some bandaids and stop the bleading. The next half hour could have been an infomercial for why every parent should take a first aid course. Countless baby wipes…numerous discarded bandaids that were far too large for her tiny finger….blood spilling on the carpet, on Amanda, on me.  I had no idea how to treat this tiny little cut that was producing far more blood than I ever thought possible. I think it was around that time that Amanda clued in that something was wrong. And that’s when she started crying. Actually crying isn’t the right word…screeching is more like it.

Shady came upstairs to my rescue and we sat with her on the bathroom floor… which had now been transformed into an operating room…throwing ideas around of how we can stop the bleeding and get her to calm down.

Half an hour later, with a make shift cast that was far too big for her finger, and Amanda’s dress soaking in dish soap in the bathroom sink, Shady and I leaned against the wall on the bedroom floor. Amanda looked at us with an expression that said “you really didn’t handle that very well.” We resolved that vents were a bad idea and that we really needed to invest in children’s bandaids.

Back downstairs to resume the original task of putting the groceries away. Of course by then the interesting lunch I had planned (which now fell into the category of an early dinner) seemed largely disappointing. And in the chaos of it all I had completely forgotten to feed Amanda (another proud moment for me). So we ate. And she ate….and you guessed it….it was soon time to drive back to church for evening service. Needless to say (though I’ll say it anyways) I didn’t have my nap.

When I envision a mother who is to be admired, this scene is not what comes to mind. But I did learn some important lessons from the fiasco with the heating vent. I learned that I really need to be flexible. Just because I have an idea of how my afternoon is going to be spent, doesn’t mean that’s what I’ll actually get to enjoy. I can have a bad attitude about it, or I can embrace it and make the best of it. And for future reference, reflecting on what went wrong and who should have done what differently is important…but not while the baby is panicking and crying.  In fact as a general rule try to avoid having any kind of meaningful conversation while a baby is crying….chances are it won’t go well. And most importantly…when I’m tempted to think I’m an amazing mother who has it all together, remember these moments to keep me humble.

It’s times like these that Shady and I can look back on and laugh at our inexperience. Perhaps God does allow them to humble us, show us how much we need Him in every moment, and how important it is for Shady and I to be united as we learn how to be parents…together.

This week Shady and I celebrated our wedding anniversary! What a wonderful opportunity to stop and reflect on all the ways in which God has truly blessed me and moulded my character through this most precious and treasured relationship. I  know that it’s only been four years, and in many ways we are still “children” when it comes to marriage expertise. But I would love if I could share some of the lessons God has been teaching me about the marriage relationship.

• Being a humble listener: I’ve discovered that I’m a prideful listener. It was my mother who gently pointed out to me that often times when I listen, it is as though I am standing ready to find fault in the other person’s opinion and defend my own.  Just yesterday Shady offered a suggestion regarding an area I could make a slight change. Rather than absorb the suggestion with humility, I immediately became defensive. It was later that I realized he was right, and the only thing that prevented me from agreeing at that moment was my pride. Humble listening allows us to learn from the other’s knowledge and wisdom, take correction, and sharpen each other’s characters.
• Make an effort to make conversation: That’s it? That’s the suggestion? I know, it’s very simple, but often times very difficult to apply. Take for example the end of the day. After making dinner, cleaning up, feeding Amanda, cleaning up, giving her a bath, giving her the bottle, putting her to sleep…all I want to do is lie on the couch and enjoy not speaking. But the truth is, that may be the only time that we’ve had alone all day.  It’s important for me to make the effort to ask about his day, talk about the things that are going on with him, and share the things that I am thinking and feeling as well. Silence is easier. And of course necessary at times. But if I’m lazy in my conversations, then I could find that days go by where I haven’t made an effort to connect.
• Don’t just talk about me: I could go on about me for days (Perhaps you can relate). What I think. How I feel. What I want. What I need. What I like. What I hate. Me me me. The marriage relationship demands that I step out of just talking about me, and focus on him. How does he feel, what does he need, what are his concerns? If we’re both concerned with the other person, then both of us will be taken care of!
• Don’t do things for recognition: It’s happened several times in our relationship, and each time the result is the same. If I do something for the sole purpose of getting appreciation and thanks, and he doesn’t even notice, I’ll get upset. Fine, I’ll get mad. Like if I clean the whole house just so that he says “wow, you work so hard….in fact I’ve never seen anyone who cleans a house like you,” chances are he may not respond that way, may not give me the appreciation in the way that I want…and I’ll be disappointed. I know it’s difficult, but I need to learn to do things for the sake of blessing him and making him happy, and not just for the thanks and praise I’ll get in return.
• Surround yourself with godly marriages: Find couples who are older than you, who demonstrate godly principles in their marriage. Spend time with them, ask their advice, learn from their example. We recently had an opportunity to spend a Saturday afternoon with one of the older couples at our church. They blessed us by asking how we were doing in our marriage, how our walk with the Lord was, and encouraged us with their godly council. Rather than only filling your time with friends who are your own age, consider investing in these kind of relationships that can really prove to be a source of encouragement and growth.
• Bless your children: I can’t remember who it was that told me this, but I once heard that one of the greatest gifts I can give to Amanda is to love her father. The tendency is to make our children the first and greatest priority in our lives…andfor our husbands to take a distant second. And society may even applaud that as “sacrificial love” and claim that’s the heart of a mother. But that’s backwards. For a wife, the most important human relationship ought to be with her husband, and for the husband the same should be said for his wife. When this relationship is in its proper place, then our children will be loved, cared for, and treasured as they ought to.

So much more has been learned…praying and reading the word together, making God the centre, being sacrificial and forgiving in the midst of an argument….Is one blog really enough? Ultimately, I am left thinking, how can my marriage be a growing testimony to the powerful truth of the Gospel?

Again, I know I’m not an expert. In fact if you want expert advice on marriage, turn to God’s word. What a treasure of wisdom on the marriage relationship!

So Happy Anniversary to me…and happy Friday to all of us!